AVOIDANCE LEADS TO MORE PAIN

Well that month I took off in October of 1998 didn’t turn out to really be exactly as I had thought. I was tired and overwhelmed. I felt lost and alone. I wasn’t alone though. I had friends and family. I just felt like something was missing and I thought it was a partner, a husband. I felt the need to rush and find someone else to build a family and future with.

To be honest I spent a lot of my time in that month I took off of work talking with and seeing guys that were interested in me. I didn’t let myself process and feel the pain I had endured the year prior when mother and Rick both passed away within three months of each other. As I have said before, one of my life themes had been to focus on others and not myself. I avoided dealing with my own internal issues the majority of my life up until more recently. You see I had truly never been shown or taught how to handle life issues.

You know if you are a reader of my blogs, I was pretty much my own parent from a young age, as well as, being that for my own mother too. I am sure everyone who is reading this had some type of issue from your childhood that has effected how you live your adult life. We all have learned so many lessons. That’s really what this reality on a planet called earth is all about.

Well you see when we don’t process and feel emotions then that energy created from the emotions can and usually does get stuck within our body. This energy is going to manifest in some manner. It will come out in some way by your behavior, personality, or a physical manifestation of some type, etc.

All of my main life experiences in this lifetime have been riddle with some type of trauma. If was not that, then I have managed to create some myself even. We were not really taught how to handle energy. Did anyone even know back then.

I found myself even back then getting on AOL chat rooms and looking to connect with a potential mate. I recall one such gentleman that his wife had died in childbirth. We met in a chat room for those who had lost a spouse. I guess in some way I was attempting to work through the loss of Rick. It was minimal to say the least. I am honest about this situation, I was more concerned with putting all the pain and loss away and just moving on. Now I know that by avoiding my pain all I did was delay it and make matters worse.

It was as simple as taking the time to process the events that had occurred some year to two years prior to October 1998. I could have sought help and dealt with everything I was suppressing. I had the move back from Nashville, the change in my job from management to regular employee, mother’s death, and Rick’s. Instead of focusing internally, I had my focus on external things. As is today so many of us are more concerned with the external versus all that is going on within.

My prayer is that by sharing my journey and path to healing and wholeness that I can help you miss roadblocks and detours along the way that will try to slow you down or deter your growth and awakening.