Baseball Queen

We only lived in Cartersville for less than a year. Cartersville would be the last place my mom and W.C. would be together. Apparently, one of the times he left us he met a new girlfriend that turned out to be the next Mrs. Earwood. She must have been a special lady. She was the last wife my stepdad had. As far as I know, they lived a good life. They were involved in church and had a good home. That made my heart happy for him. But my mom was another story.

I don't have any memory as to why we moved out of the pink garage apartment but we must've not been able to afford it or rather my mom wanted to be away from the taxi stand next door and the memories. I remember we lived in a single wide white trailer for a short time. The real only memories I have of living there was I learned to play rummy then. My mom taught me to play. We had some good times. Mother was a great teacher. She would get upset when I started to beat her. It's kinda funny now that I think about it. She was around 39 and I was approximately 8. She honestly got upset when I would win. It kinda got to be a joke in the family. "Don't forget to let mother win!"

I finished up third grade in Cartersville but thank goodness we had moved back to Rockmart when I began fourth grade at Eastside Elementary school. We lived in a duplex apartment behind my cousin Martha Dean and her family. I can't really remember if mother was still working at the Telephone Company in Cartersville or if she had stopped.

This apartment unfortunately had bad memories. Mother was at one of her lowest points again in life. She dated various men but she never found another that she settled down with. It's sad to think about this but one of the things my mom told much later in my life is the only man she really felt a true genuine love for was my father. He was only in her life a very short period. She loved W.D. her first husband and W. C. her second husband but she said not like it was for my dad. She always told me I was her love child. Knowing this somehow must of always stuck with me and gave me a heart to understand why she was like she was.

In this duplex apartment my mother came to be severely depressed again. It was the second time she attempted suicide. I remember this very clearly like the first. Unfortunately, she cut her wrist right in front of my face. When she would get this low I was the one who she blamed her misery on. She would say if it weren't for you I wouldn't be in this position. I don't know how I didn't grow to hate her for that. God had to give me the understanding that she really didn't mean it. I was just the only one there to blame. Plus, when she was sober the one week out of the month she treated me like a queen. She spoiled me by cooking whatever I wanted and brought my plate to me. She would get me more to drink or more food. I never had to get up. I guess this was her way of making up for how she treated me.

The day she cut her wrist I was trying to get out of the door but she kept getting in between me and the door. I was screaming and she was too. A neighbor heard and called for help. Again, I sat with neighbors and watched the ambulance take her away. I can't recall who I stayed with this time either. It's kinda sad that the times where I had no drama are the times I don't remember. Well, that is just how the mind works. I have lots of good memories and lots of bad memories but no just normal time memories. Like the picture of me wearing a crown I found. I don't even remember being the Baseball Queen. One of my dear friends that has gone on to be with Jesus told me she saw a picture of me hanging on a wall at the baseball field.

I can't imagine how you, the reader must be feeling about my life just now. I know you must be disgusted with my mom's behavior. But please know my mom was very sick. Severely depressed, an alcoholic and never did seem to find the right man to come alongside her to make a good life with her.

One of my goals in writing this book is to hopefully help anyone who might see their behavior in my mom. My prayer is that he/she will reach out to someone or an organization to get help for whatever their circumstances or issues are. I know God wants me to help others by sharing my story. Even though I lived a difficult life I didn't let it steal my joy, or make me be a mean non caring person. I believe because of God living inside of me it did just the opposite. Let me have a heart for hurting people, be very compassionate, and want to help others deal with difficult life situations, etc