BIRD WATCHING

When I considered what I should share next about my journey, I heard “bird watching.” During those now moments back then in 1997, when I was just making it through each day, I bird watched a lot.

Remember I shared how we were living in this small rental house until we could build our next home. Well no matter where I might be working through the day whether it was washing dishes or cooking, doing laundry, or spending time sitting with Rick there was a window in my view. I love birds. They are so beautiful. I had an idea to have Alan put up bird houses or feeders all around the house so I could see one in each of my various views.

I had purchased a bird watchers book at some point but really didn’t remember when. So as I worked through these difficult and emotional days that were the last few months I would have with Rick, I would mark in the book when I saw the various birds that came by to visit. There were so many different ones. I was transported each time into a place of peace and calmness.

Looking back at it now, I know theses birds helped me to ground and pull my thoughts back to the moment. I found peace and beauty in the birds and they helped me to move through those days and focus on just being with Rick each moment no matter how tough it was. He was is constant pain and rarely slept so we both were awake for a good part of those last three months.

Many of those last days Rick did not speak. I understood. Bless him I know I think I probably got on his nerves asking him about all kinds of food I could fix him. He had no appetite and I was thinking if I could figure out something really good he might like he would eat more.

As I am writing today, I can just picture being at the kitchen sink and looking out at the birds. Rick is no more than 6 or 8 feet from me in the recliner in the living room. The small kitchen was open to the small living room in that tiny house. If I could only just walk over one more time and kiss the top of his head. As I think about it now, I just feel into my heart, he is there and he is smiling at me. Peace and comfort flow through me not sadness or pain. “I love you, darling,” is what I hear!