FORGIVE, RELEASE, AND LET GO!

Tonight, I sat down to begin the task of reviewing my blogs that I have written since April 19, 2019, so that I can organize them into a book. I have written a total of 113 blogs so far. I would imagine for most writers they finish a book in a lot less time than it looks like it’s going to take me. As I have said in my blogs this task of writing a book has been a lot more than just telling my story. In fact, in telling my story I found my way to my own personal physical healing. My writings also ignited my own consciousness awakening journey. Tonight is no different. As I was writing, out poured a new blog instead of just reviewing old blogs and figuring out how to connect them for the book.

When I started writing I was four years into my divorce life journey. I divorced my husband of 15.5 years in January of 2015. That was a very turbulent time for me. It’s taken me a long time to be able to write this and share this part of my journey because it is not something I am proud of. My marriage wasn’t in a good place. I felt like I was literally dying. I was dealing with major health issues and constant physical pain. My husband and I were not living like husband and wife, we were like roommates.

Looking back now I can see how I could have handled things so differently. I can say all the things I felt my ex didn’t do right but ultimately; I must take responsibility for cheating on him. I pause here because it is so hard to even type this. There are a few people that I have never told the truth about this too. I should have just left my ex before I began a relationship with someone else. I really haven’t ever just let myself work through this part. I made excuses for what I did but there is truly no excuse!

As I write tonight, I am crying. This is how this works for me. I bare my soul in my writing, and it allows me to clear out all the pain and all the stuck energy in my body and that is how my healing and awakening journey has transformed me. Earlier this week I had some very uncomfortable pain in my lower left abdomen. I kept trying to figure out where the pain was coming from. Now, I am sure that I have the answer. It’s time to clear out more of the trauma and memories that are stuck in my emotional body. I need to forgive myself. I need to see the truth of what happened. Understand it and be honest with myself and others.

My pain was in the energy center or chakra called the Solar Plexus. The Solar Plexus is about action and transformation. It is linked with energy, willpower, and the element of fire. It’s responsible for confidence and self-esteem, as well as helping you feel in control of your life. I can see that these are areas that I need transformation in.

It’s so amazing how things work for me when I am writing. I have shared many times how when I am writing about a particular time something is also happening currently in my life that goes right with where I am in the telling of my journey. Back when I actually cheated on my ex I used visiting my youngest stepson as an excuse. I told my husband that I was going to visit him and his family. Tonight, as I sit here crying and working through the pain of hurting my ex, everyone else, and giving myself forgiveness, guess who is texting me? The very stepson that I was supposed to be visiting.

I thanked him for loving me regardless of my actions and never judging me. He very well could have put me out of his life, but he didn’t. He has always shown me unconditional love and kept our connection close and for that I am very thankful. His dad, my first husband who passed away in July 1997 would be so very proud of him and how he has grown up and is such a loving caring man, father, husband, and son. I feel it’s appropriate to close for now in my blog. Time to process and release. I thought I had forgiven myself for this some 5 years ago when I spoke with my ex and asked for his forgiveness. Forgiveness comes like this I have learned as does healing. Healing happens in layers. We continually peel back the layers to reveal what we need to release and let go!