Born Into Chaos

Well, unfortunately I never finished my grass yesterday. It got too hot and I was short of breath. That is a side effect of having chronic fatigue, being overweight, out of shape and the effects of a medication I was on to help with rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia. I was diagnosed with these things after I was injured in a car wreck in July of 1999. I am believing God is in process of healing me and one day I can finish my yard.

I got some concerning news this evening about a young lady that lived with me a year ago. It just breaks my heart. I try to help others in need because of knowing what it's like to need help.

I want to be sure to start where it's best with my life story thus far to share what God has in mind for me too. Let's just start at the beginning. Born out of wedlock, born out sin, but born on time in God's time. My mom was 31 and my dad was 19. My mom's husband had died and my dad was separated from his wife. My mom always told me I was her love baby. I think this statement is one thing that always stayed with me through the years. Especially, when she would be drunk and swear at me and tell me I was the reason her life was so terrible.

Janie Charlene Holland born May 16, 1931 had gotten pregnant and her parents made her get married to W D. Shanks when she was 18. She had Linda Marie Nov 17, 1950, Sarah Kate June 6, 1952, William David Shanks Jr Oct 30, 1955, and Jimmy Ralph April 30, 1960, then me Wendy Adele Nov. 17, 1965.

Mother had gotten pregnant only three months after her first husband died. Don't judge. She was 31 never worked a job, never drove, never paid bills, had 4 kids ages 14, 13, 9, 4 and was a heavy drinker. It was 1964. Times were different. I try to put myself in her shoes.

You see my mom and me had many things in common, like most daughters do. I was 31 when my first husband died. But there was a big difference. I had been working since I was 15. I had been driving since I was 16. I had no children of my own. Just one stepson at home with me. I had a good job to return too, many people in my life who lifted me up, a church family, and Pastor who was very supportive. I can tell you losing the love of my life was the hardest thing I had ever been through at that time. I had even lost mother 3 months prior to Rick's death.

I just can't even imagine how hard it was for my mother. She had always dealt with depression from a young age. My dad was gone not long after she became pregnant. My dad actually got his wife and two other women pregnant besides my mom within a four month period while he was separated from his wife at that time. Actually, I don't know how many siblings I truly have. My dad was a handsome man and he was loved by many women.

It must have been heartbreaking to have the only man you ever felt a real love from to leave you pregnant and in a bad situation.