I Miss You Mom!!!

I know by now you are probably saying my goodness, "she is only 7 and already the things she has been through". Believe it or not there are more things to tell that I haven't shared in my blog. I am just giving a glimpse into my book about my life through these blog post. I have asked myself how I made it through these trials many times throughout my life. It's only been in the last 6 years or so that I made peace with the path I have traveled. Going through adversity teaches you to be understanding, be a good listener, have empathy, seek to help others, and so many more life lessons. Of course without God as the Head of my life, there would have been no way I would be where I am today mentally, physically, or especially spiritually.

Back to my life of Becoming Me…

I only remember going to my neighbors and telling them my mom needed help. I told them her arm was bleeding. The man got his dog's leashes and took off to see about my mom. I stayed with his wife while she called the ambulance. The time after my mom's attempted suicide is blank as to who came and got me, how long I was with them, and us moving from that trailer.

My mind just goes to us all living in an upstairs garage apartment that was painted pink. We had closed or sold the taxi business and my stepdad was driving for a taxi company that was right next door to where we lived in Cartersville, Ga. My mom had worked a short period of time for the Telephone Company when she was younger after leaving high school and moving to Atlanta. So she got rehired with them in their Cartersville office.

It was only a 2 bedroom apartment but we had bunk beds in the kids room. My step brother and sister were only there occasionally. This was a difficult time for me. I had just began 3rd grade at Goodyear Elementary School and that's all I ever knew. Now, I was going to a whole new school and making new friends. My mom was no longer home all the time. For the first time in my life I was having to be by myself. My step dad worked long hours and my mom worked 2nd shift.

I recall having a toothache one time while we lived in the garage apartment. I was in so much pain. I couldn't go to school but my mom had to work. She said there was no way she could get off. I can remember laying on the couch and crying the entire time my mom was gone. I just couldn't understand how she could leave me by myself and in pain. Of course, now that I am older it is easier to see why she made this choice.

I think it's strange that I can just move on now and tell more of my story without addressing my mom's mental condition. But I am telling it from that young girl's perspective so it wasn't a big issue for me then. Mother was with me again and well, as far as, I was concerned. As I sit here tonight and write though, I find it very unnerving that my mom dealt with so much heartbreak in her life. I never knew of her getting any help or counseling to deal with all she had been through or was dealing with. It was in the early 70's so I don't think we were so self aware as a country as we are today.

I don't think it's coincidental either that my mom has been gone for 22 years tonight as I am writing. I believe the universe works things in a certain way to have situations like this happen. I no longer have to worry about my mom's mental condition, her going through trials, and all the days ahead I have to share with you of the things we both endured. This makes the unnerving feeling settle, my heart smile, and me feel at peace. It's as though I can see my mom smiling at me.

I miss you mom!!!