THE MOVE TO NASHVILLE

I know I have shared the reoccurring theme of creating chaos in my life when things were going good. Well you might know that’s what happened while we were living in Powder Springs when I last shared about my life in the most recent blog.

I was working in the Kennesaw office at BellSouth for Mary Jenkins. Things were okay but nothing was really exciting. I truly wasn’t sure if I was in the right job. Well, Mary took a position with a subsidiary, the newly formed BellSouth Mobility, as the Director in Nashville, Tennessee and she asked me to take a transfer and come work with her.

Here I was just being happy moving and getting back closer to my family and within a year I was considering moving away again. I talked to Rick about the move as I always did. Gosh I just had a moment of deja vu. It feels like I have told this story before but I am almost positive I haven’t.

I don’t know if it’s because I am getting close to sharing a very traumatic period in my life that is the reason for the deja vu feeling or not. I know I have had a heaviness in my heart chakra all Thursday evening and even now at 1:33 am Friday as I write. I have a feeling of nausea too and that watery feeling in my throat you get before you throw up. Gosh these energies and processing our emotions. This month has been a tough one for sure. I knew it was going to be because my intuition had shown me but I had no idea it was going to be like this.

Breathe, Wendy just breathe and let the emotions come and go. All I can do right now is think about a period after the move to Nashville and we are back in Rome, Georgia. I have written about it recently I know. Oh my the feeling of loss. Rick is in the recliner; he hasn’t spoken a word in weeks. He is in so much pain.

I had to take a break from writing for a little bit and gather myself. It’s now 2:10 am and I am not sure exactly how to proceed in this particular blog. Two different very emotional times in my life are coming up as I am writing. I just get the sense I am to write about this now moment that I am in. Letting go of painful emotions isn’t easy business. We are not our emotions. These memories are ready to be released.

It’s now 4:40 am and I have been laying down for about an hour and half. My eyes got heavy earlier and I thought maybe I could sleep. Well sleep didn’t come like last night. The emotions have finally moved out. Let’s see if I can finish this blog. It’s May 1996 and Mary and I are renting rooms from a lady in Brentwood, Tennessee. We are both looking for houses to purchase.

Rick and the boys are still in Powder Springs, Ga. until we can find a house and move. I really like the BellSouth Mobility office in Brentwood. It took about three months for me to find a house for us. I finally found one in Antioch, a suburb of Nashville.

Rick had plans with Mary’s husband to start a home building business once we got all moved. It’s August 1996 and the moving truck has got all of our things moved in the new house. Now to get unpacked and settle in. I am unboxing my closet and bedroom things. Brandon is in his room getting his things unpacked.

Little did I know the next conversation with Rick would change everything. Rick told me he had decided he would not be moving to Nashville and just be coming on weekends. I was totally floored. How in the world did he think we could make that work. I worked 10 to 12 hours a day. There was no way I could do my job and take care of Brandon on my own. If you are a regular reader of my blog you know that being a stepmom to Brandon had not been easy. He was doing much better after his year long stay at an Outdoor Treatment Facility.

I was so upset that Rick had made this decision and didn’t tell me till I had purchased a house and everything was moved. At the time all I could think of was what was I going to tell Mary. Her husband had some difficulties adjusting to his retirement and went through a deep depression. He was so happy and set on starting up the home building business with Rick. What comes next almost broke me and my marriage to Rick.