IF CANCER, THEN WHAT

Now it began all the testing to see what kind of cancer Rick had, had it spread other places, and was this spot on his lung cancer? This was to be the journey of Rick’s two week hospital stay.

Each time there was more news of the cancer, it was the neurosurgeon who did Rick’s back surgery who told us. This was unusual and was never explained to us but if you consider the path we came down you can make your own deduction. The lung spot was cancer and the blockage in the intestines came from the spot on the lung which was the initial cancer. While in the hospital we had no news of the cancer spreading.

After the Friday when Rick was admitted to the hospital, the following Sunday my mom was brought in and it was found her lung cancer from 12 years prior had returned and she was terminal. This was beyond any stress I had ever felt to have my mom and husband on the same floor of the hospital and both facing a detrimental cancer diagnosis.

We would leave the hospital with an appointment to meet with the oncologist to set up chemotherapy. Mother still was in the hospital when Rick was discharged. I was so overwhelmed with Rick’s health this was the first time since mother’s initial cancer diagnosis in 1984 that I wasn’t able to be her main care giver during her hospitalization.

Processing, feeling, letting go, reviewing, and analysis, all of these words apply to what I am doing with going through this time of Rick’s illness. By doing this I am finally ready to release all the emotions that have been stuck within and see how even though what I thought was the end of two dear people I loved was only a transition.

Over these last 25 years I have learned so much and had even more tragedies to overcome. Along this journey that we call life is the true journey of coming home to our presence or self, coming home to the realization we are One.